On My Own, but not quite anymore.

Second time I've used a song title as a post title...might need to nip that in the bud soon. But for now we shall carry on!
Ready to hear a not-so-secret secret? You sure? All right, well, I'll tell you.

I house sat for a month in February!
Seriously, that's the secret. I actually didn't advertise this particular experience for several reasons.

1) It was safer to not advertise that I was a young woman living by myself in a friend's house for a month.
2) It was kind of nice to have a place where I could just hide away and I wanted to see if I could live on my own without making a big fuss about the whole thing.
3) I did not plan on having any parties or mass amounts of friends over. Actually, BestieBomba came over twice, and some friends picked me up for a handful of events, but other than that no one came over.
4) I just didn't want a bunch of people asking about how I was doing.

At first I was a little bit concerned about how I was going to do being away from my family and not sleeping at home for a whole month. I knew I'd be fine taking care of the cute little dog I was taking care of (he was a small little white sweetheart).
It did take me a few days to figure out a few things, like the dog would let me sleep more than 4 hours if I gave him the blue blanket. That was marvelous to get more than 4 hours of sleep after a week.

The thing was, as the month went on. I found myself adjusting to being by myself very well. I mean, it's not like I was actually living on my own. I didn't have to pay bills at all, I bought my own food but that was about it for the expenses I had to take care of. I missed my folks, but at the same time, I think I've proved to myself that I've reached a point where I could actually live on my own if I had the means or need.
Sometimes the house did feel a little bit large for just me. A few times I did get a bit lonely, but I had friends that I could call or chat online with that made things a lot easier. Plus, I had Parade rehearsals, work, school, and not one but TWO college auditions that I went on during my time at the house.
I did go home to visit from time to time, and my puppy was adamant about sniffing me and snuffling in protest that I was around another dog so much. He also gave me the dreaded puppy eyes every time I left to go back to the other dog.

Needless to say, my puppy has been very happy to have me home. 

So overall, what did I learn about myself and how did I grow in a month? Well, let's go over a short list.

1) I can live on my own and I feel okay about moving into a dorm for college (two TOTALLY different things linked by the idea of living outside of my house).
2) My introverted self likes having a space to myself (but I knew that ((mostly)) already).
3) I dyed my hair all by myself! Usually I have my mom help because she's really good at the whole "home dye" process, but I proved to myself that I can dye my hair and not make a huge mess out of everything.
4) I can cook! I can't really bake that well (yet) so I decided that I would try cooking, and I'm actually a decent cook, thank goodness.
5) After auditioning for Bristol, no audition has come to even been half as scary. Even auditioning for Roosevelt wasn't half as scary. :-P
6) When I had more room to put my stuff, I was a much better housekeeper. I also do not need as much stuff as I have and am working on downsizing my possessions to the things that really matter to me (like books, never giving up my library).
7) I grew a lot in my spiritual life. I can't really put it any more simply or elaborate any more (because even a step of growth in spiritual life could take a book to explain).
8) Made new friends, and grew in my current friendships.
9) Missed a lot of people a lot. I am really looking forward to the coming Bristol season and seeing everyone SOONER THAN JUNE...Now that Parade is over and I am not house sitting any more I'm going to try and remedy some of that problem of not seeing people in general.

That month was like a whole season in my life. That nine item list doesn't cover half of the stuff that I figured out for myself or just grew into over a month. I am very grateful that I was able to have that experience of living on my own (tehee, Les Mis!). I think that it was during the time I was house sitting that I have somewhat owned up to the fact that I am a young woman, not a girl anymore. I'm still less than 6 months into being twenty and I often play younger characters, but by living on my own I've noticed the differences in my character and how I handle things. Even last year I wouldn't have been able to say that I am a young woman. Yeah, I am still *little* compared to a lot of my friends. I'm not going to negate that fact. I'm also not saying that I've got everything figured out and I'm going to be totally prepared for when I actually live on my own, because I know that would not be true. Last month was simply a time where I was able to prove to myself that I can do that one day and I will be fine.

So now, I'm back on my blog (sorry about the hiatus for anyone who really cares, it was needed). I'm thinking about what I want to do next for some of my posts and I'm sure there shall be another post soon about any changes or expansions for what I write about.

~Astonishing

Hungry Hungry Hippos.

Every time I try and think of something to post, and sit down to write, something gets in my way! Or the topic is something I don't/can't write about in the internet, because the internet is FOREVER!!! Plus, I don't need to post every single little thing about my life online. I've been *trying* (with varying degrees of success) to cut back on what I post on Facebook. No one needs to see the amazing dinner I just made that is growing cold as I take a photograph of it and spend the next 5 minutes trying to upload to my profile.

However, a written post about my discoveries as I forge ahead into the world of making my own food is another matter entirely! Cooking is a life skill after all and I'd like to become a good cook.

So last night Best-Friend-Bombalurina came over and we cooked *sort of* Asian food. Or more like we made rice and vegetables and a sauce from the Mongolian Beef recipe off of the PF Chang's website (it's really yummy!). I also discovered that I bought way too much ginger (if it is possible to have too much ginger), so there shall be lots of ginger tea later. I also have an abundance of Green Onions, Garlic, and Eggs. No, eggs were NOT in the recipe, but I think combining the eggs with the garlic and onions could make a very good breakfast. Also could make for very smelly breath...let's check how much toothpaste I've got in stock right now.

Fact- I prefer savory flavors over sweet. Ice cream is nice, but I'll take a pickle over ice cream any day. I even ate pickles and ice cream together when I was really little. Yes, I know that's pregnant food. Didn't say that I still ate pickles and ice cream together...well...now that I think about it, might have to take a trip down memory lane...or not. Where's a York patty?

So things that I now can say I can cook-
Frozen Chicken in a toaster oven. We're going to branch out into fancy chicken soon.
Rice
Spaghetti
Eggs (a few different ways)
Mongolian Beef sauce
Normal non-fancy vegetables. In other words, I can boil/bake/steam most things.
Quesodillas, cooked properly, in a pan with a little bit of butter and taco seasoning for some kick.  
Various toasted sandwiches, if that counts. 

I know the list is actually longer than this, but considering that most cooking I've done has been with pre-prepared food that comes from the frozen isle of a store, I'm very glad that I can actually cook something from scratch. I wish I knew how to cook more things. 

Therefore- over the next month I'm going to try and learn a few (relatively simple) recipes, and make up a lot of my own based on "What do I have in the fridge that I think will taste delicious when put together?"
Why you ask? Because it has occurred to me that I'm going to probably live on my own at some point in my life and I want to be able to cook yummy things and not just pop Trader Joe's orange chicken (although I do LOVE their orange chicken) into the oven every night and call it homemade cooking. Besides, cooking is fun. Maybe I'll try making my mom's honey-mustard curry chicken. 

I'm now going to go onto pinterest and make a ridiculous amount of pins to my pretty much non-existent cooking board.
Whoever came up with pinterest is evil and wants to take over the world by making people procrastinate while looking at pretty shiny objects. It's about as time consuming as browsing Etsy or (in my case) a half price bookstore.

Bookstore you say? Cookbook you say? hmmmm.....

Until next time! 

There's Been A Change In Me

Dramatic- yesh. Fitting, very much so.

Let's take a look back, shall we?

Since it’s been about a year since I started blogging, I took a few minutes to look over the past year and what I wrote. That’s really painful as a writer to look back over a semi-personal public journal that I made to record the basic facts of what was going on in my life. I glossed over a lot during my posts. As I reread them I remember things that I didn’t even talk about because of my “publishing ethics” and rule of “Don’t post anything that could come to back to bite you.”

Those first few months that I started blogging were miserable. Dealing with changing relationships, starting college, and my first job seemed to be all that I posted about (except that relationship thing, I tried to avoid talking about things that involved people I was growing distant from). I think I was a little repetitive. I’m hoping to change that in this next year.

I’ve changed so much since last fall.

I was at a Christmas party a few weeks ago and the way I described this new school year was that “Life is still hard, but I’m better equipped than I was last year.”

Last year I did not have the vast network of friends to hold me up. I had a handful of astonishing friends, who love me dearly, and they held me up. They got me through many a though day and let me be mopey and dramatic and work through my struggles without telling me to “man up” unless I was being unreasonable.

So to Shelby, Teegan, Kady, Colin, Mom, Dad, and anyone else who held me up during last fall (and through last year), thank you. Yes I am breaking a rule and using real names. You deserve to be known.

Then came the most frightening and amazing thing that pulled me out of myself and dropped me back here, more myself than I ever thought possible.

That was Bristol.

There is no way to thank all of you who took me in and befriended me this summer. Anyone who gave me any word of encouragement or smile or hug, you all changed me. You let me be myself and, honestly, forced me to be myself. I simply could not be false or hold back around you all.

The encouragement and support I’ve found from my Bristol Family has helped me to go out and pursue the things I love, and to admit that I love them without fear of judgment or rejection. Or, even if I am rejected, I know that I have a support group who believes in me.

I couldn’t have admitted these goals at the beginning of summer. Or even at the middle of summer. Now I am going to open up a few very close to my heart goals that I want to accomplish.

1)                   I want to go back to my youth theatre group, where I felt so much pressure and became insecure in my own talents, and teach children in a pressure free environment where they will not be judged or typed.

As a side note- I learned many character-building things from this theater group and made many friends there. I had some of the best and worst times of my tween/teen years. There were a lot of negative things that I came away from this group with. I had insecurities and a lot of self-doubt as to whether or not I could follow my dreams. I want to make sure that in my teaching I am not creating the same type of environment. I want to teach improvisation without any pressure to be funny. I want to teach dance where the shy child can shine. Most of all I want to take the negative things and turn them into something positive.

2)                   I’ve wanted to play Queen Elizabeth I since I was little. I think it’s about time for me to start making that a reality. Starting this year I’m going to be doing more research and figuring out how and where I can play a young Elizabeth. It will be a start.

3)                   I want to value others and be a good example. Not in the “I’m a goody two shoes” kind of way, because I’m going to make mistakes and break the rules some days. I just want to learn from my mistakes and come out on top. I’ve been inspired and mentored by so many astonishing people over this past year. I want to be that to someone.

All of this I want to accomplish along with going to school (and hopefully transferring to another school by fall 2013), being apart of a musical, working, taking dance classes, writing, and any other social life that manages to fit in somewhere.

Looking over this last year. God has taken care of me in ways I could never have imagined. I've been stretched and molded and tested in my faith and principles. I'm still standing by what I fundamentally believe to be true.  God is still good, and He's blessed me and given me the strength to make it through some rough times that are by no means over. I'm just learning to thank Him for the small good things (and the large ones, though they are more rare) that make life sweet.

Thank you all for a roller coaster of a year. 2012 I bid you Adieu. 2013, I can’t wait to see what you have in store.

Limbo

Ever have a sense that you're just hanging in Limbo?

Really, I just needed a good title for this entry. Try keeping up a blog when you've got nothing to write about! Expect for the fact that I actually enjoyed myself for a fraction of my weekend. Saturday was awesome random wandering around with some great friends who I haven't hung out with for a WHILE!

Best Friends are amazing. I love mine. She's awesome and like a sister to me. One of the few people I can actually say will never judge me or think worse of me no matter what I do (not that I'm planning on doing anything anyway). Most of the time she totally gets what I'm talking about, even if I can't come up with the word for it. I'm eternally grateful to have her. Besides- who else would freak out over how amazing Munkustrap and Rum Tum Tugger are in CATS?

Oh yes, I'm one of THOSE people. Mwahaha!

Frustration of the week- Found out I was writing my novel WRONG!

Elation of the week- Figured out how to write my story CORRECTLY!


Still not at dance class...argargarg...let me gnaw off my leg with frustration. Except that, if i chew my leg off I can't dance...um...time to take anger out on soft pillow with lots of hugging.
I like hugs. I used to hate hugs, now I love them! But you can't hug halfway, you gotta really hug someone if you want to hug them. Who knows if it's the last hug that person will get? Don't you want it to be a good one?

Yeap, it's official. I'm crazy when running on caffeine and low sleep. I better go nap, or drink more coffee. Mmmmmmm.....coffee.

-Astonishing-