It's not where I am, it's where I'm going.

To be honest, I'm frustrated with myself. I'm frustrated with my circumstances. I'm frustrated by people who normally don't tick me off.

I am listless, lazy, unproductive, impulsive, and probably a few other choice words that aren't usually in my arsenal of "describe yourself" answers.

Usually I answer those words, "describe yourself," with words like the following: Productive. Responsible. Fairly Organized. Motivated. Healthy. Inquisitive.

Those words up there ^......not me right now.

I've been getting several wake up calls to this, and I've actually seen this process happening over a long period of time. It started a little while back in the most recent school semester. I would have trouble working on assignments until it was two days before they were due. Or the night before. More often than not I forgot to write a journal entry for a class.
I mean, I still pulled As in all my classes, but that didn't really feel good. I felt like I had coasted through the semester.

The same with dance classes. I had to miss a LOT of classes due to school (when I was being responsible about my assignments). Then there have been some weird schedules at work, so dance took a back seat because I need to earn cash. Ergo, I'm out of shape and not happy about it. However, I'm having trouble finding motivation to work out at home.

At work, for the most part, I'm okay. I'm a little weary but I'm okay, I guess. I've made my peace with staying at my job through the summer instead of trying to find something different that will work with my family's vacation and Ren Faire. It's paying off and I'm getting good hours. So long as I keep putting my paychecks in the bank I should see some profit and a money cushion for the fall and college. I'll need to work out a plan for how to (not) spend my money, but that will be a budgeting lesson that I need to learn anyway. Still there are many days were I resign myself to getting into the car and driving to work.

Most of this stems from the fact that I'm stressed. Or at least, I'm going to say that it is. I'm worried. I'm worried about how I'm going to pay for college. I'm worried about a few of my friends. I'm worried about the stupid tick bite that I got up at Faire this past weekend. I'm worried about how I'm not getting any scholarships. I'm worried about how I'm not motivated to do anything. I'm worried about how I'm always craving really really sugary salty bad for you foods.

And this stress is really affecting me. I can't think straight without starting to get on myself about how I have 10 billion things to get done. Instead of doing things, because I'm tired, I take naps and watch Hulu. Not anymore. I'm starting to change things.

Daily Bible Study (which, ironically, seems to be the only thing I manage to be halfway consistent on even in my non motivated state). No more junky food. I've got to exercise once every day at the least. I have to spend an hour on scholarships every day. I want to read/write everyday, even if it's the newspaper I'm reading or only one sentence that I'm writing. I will continue to focus on kindness at work. I will get everything in order so help me or else I'm going to turn into someone that I don't like. I'm trying really hard to be someone that I do like. Liking yourself is sort of important, or it should be.

So what have I found since I've been trying to turn myself around? Well, I've been swimming. That's helped. In the few days that I've cut out fried crap I have felt (and looked) much better. I will continue to be a klutz and injure myself constantly, but the bruises fade. I will grumble about scholarships but get them done.

I've learned that I have to be an optimist or else things get ugly. I don't like asking why things are the way they are, or looking back and seeing what I could have done differently. It gets annoying. Most of the time I try to muddle through as best I can.

One really positive thing is that I am back at Faire. I've been hanging out with people I love and admire and have been getting to know a lot more people this year. I like getting to know different people in the different casts. I like getting to know the newbies. I like being able to help get the site ready for when the gates open. I like being outside for 48 hours straight. Even though it's pretty taxing physically and I come home exhausted, it's restful for me. It feels like home to me.

What I've enjoyed the most is getting to know people. That's really what's been the best part of this summer so far is just being in touch with people and talking to people face to face. I've already had some fun with people who I didn't really know before. I'm hoping that it will continue. If my experiences at Faire so far are an indication of how the rest of my summer will be in general, then things are going to be okay.

Plus, right now, it's not really about where I am. It's about where I am going.

There's Been A Change In Me

Dramatic- yesh. Fitting, very much so.

Let's take a look back, shall we?

Since it’s been about a year since I started blogging, I took a few minutes to look over the past year and what I wrote. That’s really painful as a writer to look back over a semi-personal public journal that I made to record the basic facts of what was going on in my life. I glossed over a lot during my posts. As I reread them I remember things that I didn’t even talk about because of my “publishing ethics” and rule of “Don’t post anything that could come to back to bite you.”

Those first few months that I started blogging were miserable. Dealing with changing relationships, starting college, and my first job seemed to be all that I posted about (except that relationship thing, I tried to avoid talking about things that involved people I was growing distant from). I think I was a little repetitive. I’m hoping to change that in this next year.

I’ve changed so much since last fall.

I was at a Christmas party a few weeks ago and the way I described this new school year was that “Life is still hard, but I’m better equipped than I was last year.”

Last year I did not have the vast network of friends to hold me up. I had a handful of astonishing friends, who love me dearly, and they held me up. They got me through many a though day and let me be mopey and dramatic and work through my struggles without telling me to “man up” unless I was being unreasonable.

So to Shelby, Teegan, Kady, Colin, Mom, Dad, and anyone else who held me up during last fall (and through last year), thank you. Yes I am breaking a rule and using real names. You deserve to be known.

Then came the most frightening and amazing thing that pulled me out of myself and dropped me back here, more myself than I ever thought possible.

That was Bristol.

There is no way to thank all of you who took me in and befriended me this summer. Anyone who gave me any word of encouragement or smile or hug, you all changed me. You let me be myself and, honestly, forced me to be myself. I simply could not be false or hold back around you all.

The encouragement and support I’ve found from my Bristol Family has helped me to go out and pursue the things I love, and to admit that I love them without fear of judgment or rejection. Or, even if I am rejected, I know that I have a support group who believes in me.

I couldn’t have admitted these goals at the beginning of summer. Or even at the middle of summer. Now I am going to open up a few very close to my heart goals that I want to accomplish.

1)                   I want to go back to my youth theatre group, where I felt so much pressure and became insecure in my own talents, and teach children in a pressure free environment where they will not be judged or typed.

As a side note- I learned many character-building things from this theater group and made many friends there. I had some of the best and worst times of my tween/teen years. There were a lot of negative things that I came away from this group with. I had insecurities and a lot of self-doubt as to whether or not I could follow my dreams. I want to make sure that in my teaching I am not creating the same type of environment. I want to teach improvisation without any pressure to be funny. I want to teach dance where the shy child can shine. Most of all I want to take the negative things and turn them into something positive.

2)                   I’ve wanted to play Queen Elizabeth I since I was little. I think it’s about time for me to start making that a reality. Starting this year I’m going to be doing more research and figuring out how and where I can play a young Elizabeth. It will be a start.

3)                   I want to value others and be a good example. Not in the “I’m a goody two shoes” kind of way, because I’m going to make mistakes and break the rules some days. I just want to learn from my mistakes and come out on top. I’ve been inspired and mentored by so many astonishing people over this past year. I want to be that to someone.

All of this I want to accomplish along with going to school (and hopefully transferring to another school by fall 2013), being apart of a musical, working, taking dance classes, writing, and any other social life that manages to fit in somewhere.

Looking over this last year. God has taken care of me in ways I could never have imagined. I've been stretched and molded and tested in my faith and principles. I'm still standing by what I fundamentally believe to be true.  God is still good, and He's blessed me and given me the strength to make it through some rough times that are by no means over. I'm just learning to thank Him for the small good things (and the large ones, though they are more rare) that make life sweet.

Thank you all for a roller coaster of a year. 2012 I bid you Adieu. 2013, I can’t wait to see what you have in store.

Challenges

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11:30

This summer my faith has been challenged in ways I didn't think it would be. No one has outright challenged me as to why I believe what I believe, but questions have been coming up in my head every now and then and I actually have to think about "Why wouldn't I go along with that?" or "Is this what I really believe?"


Unfortunately, some of these things I don't know the answers too. I just don't know what I think about some maters when it comes to the world around me. I don't think this is a bad thing either. I like things that make me think and grow and form my own opinion.
Something that I want to strive for is basing my opinions and beliefs on what I have discovered and researched and come to believe, rather than just relying on what I've been taught all my life.

Let me clarify that I am NOT saying that what I've been taught is wrong. A lot of what I've been taught growing up I believe to be right, but I've come to that decision based on researching the answers for myself and "double checking." What can I say, I like to learn and research. I want to know the reasoning behind why I believe what I believe.

"So be wise as serpents and innocent as doves." Matthew 10:16


Since I am firm in a few things about my faith, I know I cannot bend the few principles I am firm on. If I bend them, what is holding me up? What standards can I have if I don't uphold the few things I am certain of now?
Sometimes it's really hard and I don't want to say "no." I've had to say no and pull back a couple times. More than a few times I've thought about bending. You can only bend so far until you break.

One thing I do know, is that I am firm in the essentials of my faith. I believe that Christianity is about love. Ultimately that's what my faith is all about. I am a failing human loved by a perfect God who I love as my Abba-Father. I will make mistakes and screw up (a lot) and He will still love me and forgive me.

I am really nervous about posting this. I've never posted anything so blatant about my faith before. 


If anything, this summer has taught me that I will be okay in the world and still maintain my faith. I might be going through an upward climb, but it's going to be okay. The first week of college was much easier than last year, and I already know I'm going to grow in many ways.
Last year was trusting that God would get me through each day. Now I've been able to get through that hard year and I know I will be provided for. This year is going to be new challenges and I'm looking forward to finding out what my Abba-Father and I will be working on this year. 

Hopefully I will be posting again soon on my Astonishing blog. I know I've been really heavy on the Anne blog this summer, but that blog has been there to chronicle my summer at Faire, and for the most part that's what I've been doing other than working (new job as Barista).
We have one weekend left for the Faire and I hope that if you haven't gone yet that you will come this weekend! It would mean a lot to me. I love the people that I am working with and they are the kindest most genuine people on earth. Look on my Anne blog for the last few posts I will be writing, including what will happen with my Anne blog once Faire is over, which I still need to think through.

Thank you for letting me be vulnerable through my writing, even if I'm hiding behind the mask of the internet.

Halfway Through Summer

It's been an eventful time of late...

Ren Faire is most amazing place in the world. Now onto the rest of my life.

I changed jobs. I'm not working in a shop anymore. I'm a barista now at Vero and just had my first day of practical training. I worked a lot on the register and made a lot of mistakes but my coworkers said that I was doing really well for my first day. We serve other things besides just coffee, so I'm learning how to serve gelato and make fried dough puffs. It was a slightly difficult first day and I felt like I failed a lot, but as someone (or many people) have said to me, "If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough." I guess I'm trying really hard because that register hates me. I shall not let it conquer me! I shall prevail and win it's affection!

I'm still making a lot of reconsiderations about which direction to go in. Right now I'm still dancing, but I want to explore my writing, my passion for history, and my passion for general performance. I'll probably take a history and a creative writing class this fall as part of my college studies. Being in Ren Faire has made me take a step back and really look at the realistic aspect of some of my career ideas.

There's been a recent learning curve on "How do I react to certain things?" I recently found out that if I'm boxed in and "attacked" without a determinable exit- I'll turn into River Tam and possibly hurt somebody. That was a scary thing to realize. I think I scared myself more than anything. Now I get to learn how to deal with that and make sure that I take care of myself and the people around me so that I don't have another River Tam "Miranda" moment.  Oh well, we live, we learn, we grow, and we work through things.

God is challenging me on a lot of things. My health hasn't been the greatest. I've gotten a lot of fatigue and I'm going to be getting a general physical on Thursday to make sure that there isn't anything wrong. Hopefully it will just be an imbalance on my vitamins and I'll take some supplements and be A-ok. It's hard to be not at my best and I just have to trust that this is only a season. Change will come, hopefully for the better. Slowly I'm turning more and more over to Him and He's brought some great things into my life. I've also had a lot of mini-lessons that haven't been too fun, but God is going to carry me through it.

Bumpy Road

So I've been telling myself "I need to post." Then life would happen.
The next day I'd tell myself "I need to post." Then life would happen.
Then the next day I'd tell myself "I need to post." Then life would happen.

Needless to say- there's been a LOT of life going on. Some good, but lately I've been hit with a lot of conflicting stuff.


First point of Life- My old youth theater program split ways with the main company and now, while still holding the same values (essentially), it's a mess. No one knows what's going on and there is a ton of uncertainty. I'm slightly glad that I've graduated from this program and only teach there now and then.
Many good things happened in this theater group, and many challenging things. So there's a lot that I'm just waiting to "see what happens" on the subject. To be honest I'm tired of seeing all of the notifications on Facebook about this. I know it's important, but I feel like there's just too much confusion right now. Everyone needs to simmer down for a while.

Second point- I will not be working for two weeks. This week, and next week I am not scheduled for any hours. This is very worrisome. I'm supposed to be able to pay for gas to get to and from the RenFaire(See point 3). I was also hoping to accumulate some savings, and start paying for most of my expenses. Guess what's not happening?
This is probably the worst thing I am dealing with right now. I actually had to go into work and check the schedule. I started crying once I got back to the car.
I know the company has cut back on hours, but not getting any hours when I know my coworkers are getting 12-20 hours a week stinks. The only redeemable part of this is that my parents have agreed to let me do extra chores and stuff around the house to pay off my gas money. If my work hours keep up like this I'm going to need to find a new job.
I'm really praying hard about this. I don't know what to do. I know God's in charge and that he's going to take care of me, but I don't know what I am supposed to be doing right now. That annoys the heck out of me.

Third point- I'm starting RenFaire training and I'm scared stiff. I have no idea what I've got myself into. I'm gradually getting more and more terrified. Everything about the process has felt completely paralyzing, but at the same time, it feels like home. How warped is that?

Fourth point- I don't know if I'm going to be able to dance this summer at all. I don't know if I can take time out of my work schedule to dance. This makes me want to punch a wall.

The stupid thing is that I work so that I can have money to dance and participate in RenFaire. If I don't work- what gets eliminated? The dancing, RenFaire, or the work?

It's been a little while...

So even though I'm fairly good at posting on my blog, I haven't had time recently and I felt bad about that.
Hence the all important- CATCH UP POST!!!!! (Could also be read ketchup post, if you're so inclined).

So first the exciting stuff-
I GOT INTO REN FAIRE!!!! Totally got placed in the last role I expected to get, Street Cast.
Before you think this sounds like a bad thing, lemme splain.'
Street Cast members are those brave and intimidating people who walk around the faire in a character all day, in full costume, and talk to the patrons of the faire. They have an occupation and something of a "shtick" They are funny, clever, attention grabbing and I am more than slightly nervous about joining their ranks. Even more so since I have to come up with said character and shtick.
I've never felt that I'm a good person when it comes to improvisational theater. I can talk to a lot of different people, and do on a regular basis, but that's as myself. Now I get to improv all summer, each weekend for about 10 hours a day. Now, if that doesn't sound like a stretch, you're weird.
However, I am intensely looking forward to this and on top of EVERYTHING else I'm doing, I'm raiding my library for information about the Tudor era with an emphasis in Elizabethan times. Like I needed an excuse to do that.
Performers are some of the most insecure people you will meet. We tear each other down for a role, but support each other because in the end, we're all each other has to keep ourselves sane. Only another performer can understand the sense of waiting and hoping for that phone call, all the while feeling sick to your stomach that it won't come. Only we share the sense of elation when we've made people happy. In return, those people give us applause and undying admiration.

We are totally nuts.

On another nutty performance note- I'm going to FL next week to audition for the dance program at PBA. Beyond nervous, only slightly excited. Will be more excited after I get home. That feeling of not quite being ready is back, I thought I got rid of it after Bristol auditions. Well guess what?
They're baaaaack.

To touch on school- I have to write a four page psych paper, a three page English compare/contrast essay, and a proposed thesis/outline paper. Not to mention that essay I'm supposed to write for my interview at PBA. And ASL homework.
I still like my classes, and my ASL friends. I've still been curbing any temptations to curse. Once in a while I'll slip, but I'm glad I haven't possessed a sailor's mouth lately. I've been making an effort and thank God it's working.

And now for  a book that might just save my Rennie Sanity-
Easy Street by Ann-Elizabeth Shapera (Otherwise known as Jane the Phool).

This book is so entertaining and amazing, even if you aren't going to perform in any type of Street Theater, you should read it. This book is a complete guide for anyone who is going to be a street performer in a faire and I've torn through it in about two days. I'm going to go back with a pencil and mark it up until there is no space left in the margins!

 AE Shapera happens to have played Jane the Phool, Jester to the Queen, and Queen of all Jesters since 1993. I have seen her at Bristol every single summer and she is one of my favorite people there. If you like history, comedy, the english language, reading, writing, playing, play-acting. READ. THIS. BOOK. All the commentary about monkeys alone will leave you giggling. All of the tricks and tips and exercises to help you get into a character will help you if you love imagining or performing or writing.

Seriously....just read the book. Borrow mine- if you must! But I warn you that you probably will have a very hard time getting it from me. If you can get it from me. hehe.

And I will leave you with that for now!

Slipping. (Warning- not positive)

Another frustrating day, and it's not over.

I got a B on my psych test. Ok- before any goes saying "a B is not a bad grade" yes I know.
However, with my prof. anything under an A means you're just being lazy.
According to this professor you should be able to get an A because he has made this class easy to understand and he's given you a study guide with EVERYTHING you need to know for the tests. It's not rocket science...just psychology.
6 stupid little questions. If I had gotten 2 of them right, I would have had an A, TWO QUESTIONS!!!!!
Looking over my mistakes, they're really stupid ones.
This happens every time I take a test. I hate tests. I can know material 100% and still get questions wrong. It's just that this weird mindset takes over and I can't think properly. Then I get my test back and look over the corrections and go "DUH!"

Also, I got a 3/10 in my paraphrase/summary paper for English 102. I didn't label the paraphrase and to be honest, I forgot to attach the summary, and the article. I forgot to document the places where I used my source.
This doesn't sound like me. I'm not this scatterbrained. I should be able to do these things without any trouble at all. Thank goodness I've been keeping my journals for English, those points are going to save my butt. I'm praying that I get a good grade on my persuasion paper.

Why is it that I love my classes, but seem incompetent when it comes to the homework I'm required to do? I was talking to my mom about it on the phone (still at school, waiting for a yoga class to start ((by the way, I don't like my yoga class but I needed another credit)) and I almost started crying. AGAIN!!!
I swear I'm sick of being close to tears on a constant basis. I'm sick of this stress that DOES NOT LEAVE, EVER!!! You'd think after a week of crying about pent up frustrations from the past 6 or 7 months would help, nope. You'd think having a pretty good audition for Bristol would help....actually that kind of adds stress because now I have to wait TWO WEEKS to hear from them. It's only been four days.
I wake up stressed out, I go to bed stressed out, I live my days with a slight nausea from waiting to hear from Bristol. I write crappy papers because my brain is so tired. I forget the simplest of things on these papers and feel like an idiot when I get my results back.

By the way, if you talk to me about Bristol, I don't think I'm going to get in. I'm trying to convince myself that I won't get in so that I won't be disappointed when I get the call saying I didn't make it.

Until today the week was going kind of ok. Now I want my little burrow of covers and Carol Burnett Youtube clips.

Baby Steps.

Well, I auditioned for Bristol Ren Faire......

It was amazing! I'm feeling really hopeful, but I'm not pinning my dreams on getting into the cast. It would be amazing and a dream come true- but there is always next year too! I will always love Bristol whether I get in or not. It's because of Bristol that my dreams were filled with Tudors and Robin Hood when I was little. Not kidding. Every so often, I still have those dreams.

Now to tell about the audition itself.

First of all. I have never been so nervous for anything in my life. I almost started crying when I caught sight of the hotel where the auditions were held. Today I just had to keep reminding myself that God is going to take care of me and everything was going to go well with the audition.
My mom and I have been praying that God's plans will come through for me in this opportunity. We are praying that if it's not in God's plan for me to be in Bristol this year, it's because He has something bigger in store that can't happen if I was cast.

So I went into the hotel and found the area where they were holding the auditions and signed in. I met a few people who were auditioning and I started to stretch and warm up and lightly run through my audition. I think I was most nervous about the pieces I prepared. I wasn't worried about what the Directors might ask me to do, I was more nervous that I would mess up on my own pieces.
The Fight director came into the warm up room and let us all know that we would be starting soon and put us all at ease. Auditioning in front of 14 total strangers can be terrifying and he was great in explaining how things would go and what to expect.

Everyone was really good about saying that they just wanted to see what we could bring, and it was a total low/no pressure zone. Tons of fun! Just like the Faire itself. :)

So my turn for the audition (104! We started at 101, so I went 4th). I go in and see the team sitting around tables in a sort of semi circle. Right off the bat they start talking to me, asking me my name, if I've prepared some stuff, and they let me show my performances in the order that I was comfortable with. AKA- Singing, then Acting, then Dance.
Basically, your audition lasts 5 minutes and if you have extra time after doing your individual stuff they ask you to do some things.
The Fantastikal Director had me do some movement stuff with another director (I think the comedy one). She had me be Fire and the other girl Air and we interacted without words. Then she had me pretend to be a cat and the other girl was a dog and we interacted again. I didn't like dogs. ;) I pretended to scratch at the "dog" and hit the director interacting with me! I felt bad and apologized afterwards and she was totally cool. One of the other directors joked "Oh, we kick her all the time!"
Then they had me tell the story of the Three Little Pigs as Wendy from Peter Pan. They interrupted and asked me questions like "What were their names?" and "Why didn't the other pigs like straw?"
Then they had me project by introducing myself. I used my BIG voice. hehehe

So then I went back to the greenroom and hung out until they called the first 8 of us in for group improv. First we had to become a "machine" and speed up and slow down. That was pretty easy. Then we did an exercise where they "divided" an area into four parts. 1. Water. 2. Electricity. 3. No Gravity. 4. Total Gravity. We had to act out how that area impacted us.
Then they had us "pitch" ideas. I had to convince people that 2+2=5. :) In 10 seconds. It was great.

Lastly they had us line up and various Directors called us to talk to us. I got called by the Fantastikal Director! She said that I was doing good work. She also told me that if I make the cast she wouldn't want me to use ASL in my character, which I totally understand. She also said that this year there will be a smaller cast for the Fantastikals, so if I don't make the cut, come back next year.
The last thing she had me do was convey something to one of the directors with my eyes. Let's just say I pulled every once of pain and sadness I felt this week into my eyes.

So now we wait two weeks. I hope that I will have a job this summer in a place I've learned to call my fantasy "home." I know all the streets and where all the shops are. However, if God has other plans, that's okay and I'll move on!

MY FIRST REAL AUDITION!!!!

Night of Homework

Quick update while I give my brain a break.

Fiddled around with the design settings, don't know if I like the new look. I was a bit tired of the red though.
So my applications are sent! YAY!!! *clappity clappity* One thing I can check off my list.

Got my psych paper done, and am working on my evil english paper. I might have my 10 required sources already (YES!), 5 biographies, 3 or 4 internet articles, and 2 of ACD's own books. I have to pick out which works I'd like to reference of ACD. Still, I know that I have some great references, I just need to read them all.

Tonight I will write a resume and select a headshot for my Ren Faire Auditions. I will choreograph most of my Ren Faire audition piece as well as Claire De Looney. I will consider this a well spent day. Maybe I'll indulge myself and watch an old film. I'm thinking Harvey Girls.
For my Ren Faire audition I'm going to do my version of The Firebird. Based on the ballet, based on the cartoon that Disney made for Fantasia 2000. If you have not seen it- look it up on youtube. I'm in love with that piece.

Today is one of those rare good days where I accomplish a lot and feel good about what I've accomplished.

Announcement- I will be adding character analysis to my posts. I know I've done book reviews, but I also really want to go into the characters of the books more than the plot. I've read some awful books that have brilliant characters.

So slight update, nothing really meaty that I have time (or inclination) to post about right now. Hopefully I'll have the time to post again soon!

Tip of the iceberg.

Oy vey. I need a vacation, or a personal assistant. Or maybe more sleep. Less homework? More dancing? Less inconvenient work hours? Btw- I'm working from 4-9 tonight. With one 15 minute break. Cue mental breakdown. 

To put things lightly- I'm stressed out, surviving on caffeine, herbal tea, hot coca, not getting enough restful sleep, and trying to juggle 20 things at any one given time. I'm overwhelmed. I'm trying to apply for colleges and need to send supplemental things into the two I am applying for. I'm trying to keep on top of my homework. I'm doing battle with my face on a daily basis and hate looking in the mirror. The list goes on. I can't even enjoy time that I take to be with friends because I have to do SO MUCH!  

College= lots of homework. Even though only 3 of my 5 classes actually have real home-work to do, it's plenty and I still haven't done half of my ASL homework for monday. It'll get done monday morning- per usual. 

My Psych and English papers will be started sometime tomorrow? And are due on the 16th. Now, if I was a sane college student who didn't have a job, didn't go to dance class, and didn't audition for ANYTHING- these papers would be done in two days (each). I'd pat myself on the back and turn them in early. 

ha.ha.ha. Who lives in that reality? I want to punch them. Seriously.  

Btw- this is going to be a longer post. Stop reading now if you don't have the time. 

Funny story from English 102- a guy in my english class started arguing with my professor. My professor- Ms. R-W is awesome. She's really knowledgeable in a lot of different areas and she's sarcastic and is just fantastic! So this kid starts arguing with her about how to write something (I think we were talking about summarizing). Finally she says "Tim, who do you think is smarter? You or me?" 

Tim has the lack of brain to say "Uh....Um....you? Probably?" 

@$&*%#! 

Next comment is why I love my teacher. She just gives him this look that totally says 'you're really stupid' and replies "Probably." First of all- Tim had no idea what he was arguing about. He seriously didn't know the meaning of the words he was using. Really funny for those of us listening and watching Ms. R-W. 

Also- my teacher underestimates my general knowledge base. I'm going to enjoy showing her that I probably know a little bit more than the average High School Graduate. There's a few students (actually about half the class) who didn't know what an aardvark is. My teacher didn't think I that I knew what Spiritualism is, or about Harry Houdini, or Darrow (monkey trials). Btw- these all have have to do with my research paper on Arthur Conan Doyle- the author of Sherlock Holmes. Doyle was much more like Watson. This is going to be a fun class (no sarcasm)! 

Apparently everyone thinks that they are above average. Considering half of my class (plus the fact that I knew of the rare and elusive aardvark), I think I'm at least at average. Or just very well read. 

Enough of school- onto work. 

My work has scheduled me for two weeks in advance. This means I cannot take off certain days that I was planning on asking for. I've never been scheduled for more than one week in advance at a time. This means no swing-dancing on the 11th. This means a very pissed off me. However, this also means I make a LOT of money in the next few weeks. 

However- my gratis from work is going to be amazing (I get a lot of goodies!), so I am slightly appeased. Only slightly. 

From work we go onto my personal life- This is a joke, you may laugh out loud. 

Are you done laughing? Good. 

Apart from getting talked to about being an independent human being from my dermatologist (not fun)....I know I still live at home and my parents do pay for the majority of my food, car gas, and school. However, I do manage a lot of my own life. I do not need anyone accusing my mom of hovering over me. She is not a hover-mother. 

And yes, I know my face is difficult and I'm sorry my life got busy and I forgot to take my pills. I do wash my face ever day like I'm supposed to. I am trying. Don't quote Yoda, I will punch you. 

Luckily I've found two monologues that work for my Ren Faire audition, two songs, and am working on my dance piece. Clair De Lune shall be put together as soon as possible. 

Dance is going great- as usual, ergo- nothing much to say about that this week.  

Welcome to the tip of the iceberg. 

Now that we have gone over the basics and practical side of my insane life right now. Expect a post sometime in the future about what actually going on inside my head. This has only been the external. 

 

College Application Update.

At first I was going to apply to four schools.
Anderson, Eastern University, Hope, and PBA.

Then I found out that I would have to not only be accepted into Anderson's normal college before I could audition for the dance program, I would have to be accepted into the Arts and Sciences program as well. Needless to say, Anderson was off the list. It was last on my list anyway and that little piece of news sealed the deal.
Next, I start the application process for Eastern, Hope, and PBA. Hope has a scholarship program that I would have to audition for, but I don't have to audition to be in the dance program there.
The more I fill out things for the colleges, the more I feel drawn towards Hope and PBA...with Eastern on the side. Ergo- I have decided (for now) to put Eastern on the shelf. I'm not going to rule it out, but right now I don't feel like it's the place for me to go unless I visit the other two colleges and think "No way jose!"
Then yesterday I come home from community college and my mom tells me she wants to talk to me. Turns out since I will be a transferring freshman I cannot get that scholarship to Hope. My first reaction- I want to cry. I hate this whole application process, I'm worried sick that I won't be accepted and that I'll have to  rethink all of my options.
After my brain freaks out and my hearing returns so I can listen to what my mother is telling me, I find out that by being a transfer student with transferring credits I will save more money than if I got the scholarship.
With the scholarship I'd save about $10,000 total (over the four years). With my transferring credits I'm saving about $12-13,000. Crisis averted and I'm still applying to Hope.

So now it's down to one audition and two applications to finish. Now I do not need to take a lot of time off from work to go visit colleges and I have more time to prepare my REN FAIRE AUDITION!!!!
Sort of super excited? Sort of super nervous? Sort of waiting for this for YEARS! I still need to schedule my audition...oops. Putting that on the to-do list.
And I have more time to choreograph that evil piece of music otherwise known as....Clair De Lune....it's making me loony (haha- two cups of coffee today!). Oh well, I said I would choreograph the piece and dance it for a friend's wedding, and I might as well get on it. I've got about 2 months until the wedding...but 2 months can go quite fast.

And now for the amusement and disgust of my readers (I found out that I have more than 4 readers!!! I have 5!!!), a story from English 102.
Scene: It's after class and I'm picking up my things so I can vamoose. Our teacher has assigned us to pick 3 authors as possibilities for our literary research paper, and we need to write a persuasive paper on an issue that we feel strongly about (ex. the legalization of marijuana, immigration, occupy wall street, etc). These are separate papers due at different times. The teacher has explained BOTH assignments several times during the course of the class.
As I'm getting ready to leave, a girl behind me asks "So why do we need to pick three authors for a persuasive paper?"
me: "We don't. We do a persuasive paper on an issue we feel strongly about."
girl: "Then why do we need to hand it in on tuesday?"
me: "We hand in our choice of authors on tuesday."
girl: "Then why are we picking authors if we're doing the persuasive paper on an issue?"
me: "We're picking authors for a research paper."
girl: "So we're not doing a persuasive paper?"
me: "We are doing a persuasive paper." (I'm working really hard to keep a straight face and not look at her like she's nuts) "We're also doing a research paper on an author later in the semester."
girl: "When did that happen?" (We found this out the second day of class...)
me: "The teacher talked about it in class."
girl: "Oh..."
This is where I let the friend of the girl take over and explain things. Really....it doesn't take that much to understand the assignments (our teacher emails them to us too). You're taking this class for a reason, at least pay attention long enough to figure out the assignments- correctly. My English teacher is very straightforward and good at explaining things. She explained both assignments several times.
This is also the girl who argued with my teacher about how she wasn't passing a note during class....let me roll my eyes. If you're passing a piece of paper with writing on it during class- it's a note. Even if it's a phone number or email for important reasons, it's a note. Even if it's a drawing of a cute little bunny, it's a note.

It was almost entertaining, as well as highly irritating.

Managing, Merging, Adjusting

Finally, I have found a studio.
Finally I will start dance again.
When? I don't know, ASAP!!!
Other than the hope that my dance life will soon be taking an upturn (really though, anything would be an improvement over not dancing), life's pretty much the same. Still learning to cope with lack of social interaction and plenty of school and almost too much work. God's getting me through this, though not much else is. Most of the time I'm frustrated, stressed, and restless. I NEED DANCE! (see below post for elaboration)

This weekend I went up to the Bristol Renaissance Faire with two friends. I've been going to the Ren Faire since I was a wee tot (short for toddler jsyk). it's kinda like my second home in a weird sort of way. I can joke and trade commentary, or friendly insults, with pretty much anyone bold enough to try and make conversation with me. I can sit among Queen Elizabeth's court and talk to the nobility and catch a glimpse of the visiting French Prince. Poor thing, he thinks he's going to go home with a wife. Well, we all know how THAT ended!
They have these amazing Fairies at the Faire. Oberon among them. Yesterday I wore my elf ears and he noticed them. His eyes lit up and he touched his ear, a quizzical look in his eye. I touched my ear in response and nodded, respectfully bowing my head to the King of the Fey. I live for moments like those.

I bought a puzzle ring and have been taking it apart and putting it back together obsessively. The story is entertaining. The puzzle ring originated when the Sultan wanted a way to keep tabs on his wives (since he had over 100) and see how faithful they were. He gave them these rings, saying that they were the royal ring and should never be taken off. Of course, some of the wives decided to play hookey (because you can't really have much of a romantic relationship with your husband when he's got 100 other girls to kiss!) and left the ring at home while they snuck out to go clubbing with the cute city boys who were MUCH handsomer than the fat old Sultan!
Okay- so they didn't go clubbing, but you get the idea!
Anyway, these queens came home and found their rings undone and couldn't figure out how to put the puzzle back together. So they decided to go "persuade" the royal jeweler to help them.
Cute story...but once the jeweler taught one of them the trick, what's to stop them from assembling the rings themselves over and over again? That sultan was not very bright...
The fact that I can put my ring back together in under fifteen seconds says something about this puzzle. Although, I couldn't figure it out until the guy told me how to put it back together. I was REALLY close though!

Finally- a Cheery Post! Well, sort of. Cheeriest one yet.
~Astonishing~