Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Looking to the Horizon

Today my brain feels like it will explode. Just one of those days where it is one thing after another, never ending.

So what did I do? I took a walk. That was probably the best thing I could have done today. Simple physical exertion. No ipods, cell phone turned on silent, a bottle of water to keep me hydrated. It was more than just "nice." It was needed.

Things are (in general) looking up. I've managed to navigate some stressful situations that I'm not necessarily through, but God is keeping me going. He's always there for me. I'm forever grateful for that. I know there is a plan He's laid out for me. He's shown up in amazing ways of late.

For instance....
I've been accepted into my dream school, Roosevelt University, into the Chicago College of the Performing Arts for a Musical Theater (Dance Emphasis) major. I've toured the campus, and it's so beautiful. It feels right to be in the city. I know that it's where I want to go. I want to go so badly. In my opinion, it's a bit of a miracle that I even made it into the program.

Now I'm praying and looking for a way to finance my education. All I can say about Roosevelt is that it's $$$. I'll have to take out loans, do work study, save all that I can from my part time job paycheck, and apply for a million scholarships.

I'd be lying if I said that I'm not afraid that I won't find the money to fill the gap between me and school. I will be heartbroken. I don't say or use that word lightly.

I know that if God wants me at Roosevelt, my family and I will find the money. He will provide for me wherever I need to go. He's already provided for so much in this journey. I've been well cared for and am learning to give over control. It's not easy. I have to constantly give up control of something that I have very little control over. It's simply my way to want to try and control things, especially when I want something so much.
 Still, I have faith that the money will be there. I will do my part in applying for scholarships and finding ways of saving what I can. Just one year at a time. That's all my family is focusing on right now, because we don't know if I am able to go to school this year, if I'll be able to go next year. It's a sobering thought. It adds a lot of stress to all of us. I don't like the idea of being in debt for 10-15 years after school. I'm crazy because I'm going into a field that simply doesn't pay. Why? Because performing is like breathing to me.
I'll find some way. The biggest hurdle yet was putting down the deposit and saying that I'm going to do my best to go to Roosevelt this fall.

"Live like no one else so you can live like no one else." Right, Dave Ramsey?

I hope that this is just the sun coming up and not the sun setting for me. I have my plan B, going back to Harper and finishing an associates in either Arts or History and then going from there. I've just got to trust God that He's going to come through. Because it's His will over mine. I've learned that in extraordinary ways this year. I've just got to keep learning this lesson. I'm not perfect and it's a process.

Now back to the crazy land of papers and scholarships and community college assignments.