Sunday, February 26, 2012

Baby Steps.

Well, I auditioned for Bristol Ren Faire......

It was amazing! I'm feeling really hopeful, but I'm not pinning my dreams on getting into the cast. It would be amazing and a dream come true- but there is always next year too! I will always love Bristol whether I get in or not. It's because of Bristol that my dreams were filled with Tudors and Robin Hood when I was little. Not kidding. Every so often, I still have those dreams.

Now to tell about the audition itself.

First of all. I have never been so nervous for anything in my life. I almost started crying when I caught sight of the hotel where the auditions were held. Today I just had to keep reminding myself that God is going to take care of me and everything was going to go well with the audition.
My mom and I have been praying that God's plans will come through for me in this opportunity. We are praying that if it's not in God's plan for me to be in Bristol this year, it's because He has something bigger in store that can't happen if I was cast.

So I went into the hotel and found the area where they were holding the auditions and signed in. I met a few people who were auditioning and I started to stretch and warm up and lightly run through my audition. I think I was most nervous about the pieces I prepared. I wasn't worried about what the Directors might ask me to do, I was more nervous that I would mess up on my own pieces.
The Fight director came into the warm up room and let us all know that we would be starting soon and put us all at ease. Auditioning in front of 14 total strangers can be terrifying and he was great in explaining how things would go and what to expect.

Everyone was really good about saying that they just wanted to see what we could bring, and it was a total low/no pressure zone. Tons of fun! Just like the Faire itself. :)

So my turn for the audition (104! We started at 101, so I went 4th). I go in and see the team sitting around tables in a sort of semi circle. Right off the bat they start talking to me, asking me my name, if I've prepared some stuff, and they let me show my performances in the order that I was comfortable with. AKA- Singing, then Acting, then Dance.
Basically, your audition lasts 5 minutes and if you have extra time after doing your individual stuff they ask you to do some things.
The Fantastikal Director had me do some movement stuff with another director (I think the comedy one). She had me be Fire and the other girl Air and we interacted without words. Then she had me pretend to be a cat and the other girl was a dog and we interacted again. I didn't like dogs. ;) I pretended to scratch at the "dog" and hit the director interacting with me! I felt bad and apologized afterwards and she was totally cool. One of the other directors joked "Oh, we kick her all the time!"
Then they had me tell the story of the Three Little Pigs as Wendy from Peter Pan. They interrupted and asked me questions like "What were their names?" and "Why didn't the other pigs like straw?"
Then they had me project by introducing myself. I used my BIG voice. hehehe

So then I went back to the greenroom and hung out until they called the first 8 of us in for group improv. First we had to become a "machine" and speed up and slow down. That was pretty easy. Then we did an exercise where they "divided" an area into four parts. 1. Water. 2. Electricity. 3. No Gravity. 4. Total Gravity. We had to act out how that area impacted us.
Then they had us "pitch" ideas. I had to convince people that 2+2=5. :) In 10 seconds. It was great.

Lastly they had us line up and various Directors called us to talk to us. I got called by the Fantastikal Director! She said that I was doing good work. She also told me that if I make the cast she wouldn't want me to use ASL in my character, which I totally understand. She also said that this year there will be a smaller cast for the Fantastikals, so if I don't make the cut, come back next year.
The last thing she had me do was convey something to one of the directors with my eyes. Let's just say I pulled every once of pain and sadness I felt this week into my eyes.

So now we wait two weeks. I hope that I will have a job this summer in a place I've learned to call my fantasy "home." I know all the streets and where all the shops are. However, if God has other plans, that's okay and I'll move on!


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Some not very good, and some great.

Roller coaster doesn't even begin to cover this.

I have discovered a few things over the past few days.
1. I am probably more stressed out than I have realized.
I am jumping at every single noise out there. I got completely unhinged over a C grade on a paper (ok, well, I'd be upset anyway, but not so much). I'm refusing coffee so that I don't become dependent in it, but if coffee is what keeps me under control- I could be using a lot worse drugs than caffeine. Black tea works too.
I was installing Word on my Mac (YAY!) and I was having trouble and I swear I've never been so high-strung in my life.

2. I should never turn anything in without having my dad proofread.
Or my mom, I've been redoing a paper for most of yesterday after school and it's a thousand times better since I've had them read it over. It's due tomorrow.

3. I should really email my psych professor about my papers.
I checked and double check that I had gotten all of the information needed, but apparently I missed a few things. Next time I'll form some questions and ask my teacher. I understand the material we're going over perfectly, now I just need to output the input (yes, right now that phrasing sounds brilliant in my head).

4. I really do cry- I've got to find that nerve that makes me cry.
Hurt me, stress me out, do whatever you like- I won't cry. I just wont. Touch one of my best friends and I will either kill you, break down, or both.
This time I chose the break down- mainly because this is the closest I've ever come to hating someone in my life. 

I am possibly one of the hardest people to care for when I'm really upset. I do not tell you what I need, I don't give specific signals about anything. I become Katniss in 13 when she goes into closets and sleeps. I am a pain in the butt when I have a breakdown.
If you had plans when I've worked up enough courage to admit to you that I'm seriously not okay- I will pretend to be alright enough to make you believe that I'm okay so you can go have a good time. If you can see through this, never tell me how, because then I will figure out a way to fool you. So never tell me. Ever.
Sometimes I need hugs. Long ones, and if you let go of me too soon I'll keep holding on because you're the only tangible anchor I have right now.
Sometimes if you touch me, I will fly across the room and huddle in a ball. No one can touch me or I'll go crazy.
Like I said- I am a tough one to care for when I'm upset. A lot depends on the context of the situation. Sometimes I don't even know what I need. Then it gets really interesting.

I'm going to be okay, but the operative part of that statement is "going to be." Implying that right now- I'm on the verge of tears and probably will be all day. Thank goodness I have dance class tonight.

On the other hand- I'm super excited about the Ren Faire Auditions. I'm not really stressed about them, or if I am, I can't tell! I think it's going to be an adventure and I can't wait to see what happens.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The cliche post from someone who doesn't really like Valentine's day

First of all- it's St. Valentine's day. A day to celebrate how one man stood up to Rome when Rome declared that soldiers could not get married. Like that stopped them from fooling around (Rory excluded)...anyway.

Why do we feel the need to make such a BIG deal out of couple declaring their undying affection (and then breaking up two weeks later), and making single folks feel like horse manure? I can see the sentiment and everything, but really, this holiday has been blown out of proportion!

Cynical comment aside...I have been shown a great deal of love by two of my best friends. My "truddy" (Trio of Buddies) is great and I love them both dearly. They have really stood by me this year and we now have habits of doing little "pranks" that lift each other up.
One day they put quotes all over my walls- they are still up!
One day I helped to write notes on close-pins and stuck them all around the Doctor's room. ^_^ There were 50 of them!
A couple of days ago I get off of work and find that they "broke into" my car and put oragami hearts all around the interior and gave me the CD Stay Flat by the Flat Cats. I wasn't able to swing dancing this particular night and it made my day to know that they thought of me and when I got home, there were more hearts hidden all over my room! I still haven't found all 77 of them!

Besides these major events, I've had some great conversations with my Truddy and both of them are extremely dear to me.
My question now is- why do we just show love to each other in a major way on Valentine's day? Honestly, the only thing I can think of that I would ask of a future beau would be a sincere letter with some funny and witty things that I can carry around with me and read when I'm feeling down. But- I could also ask that of any of my friends and feel quite loved! In fact, I'm planning on writing a few of these types of letters to friends and I will give them out on random days to make them smile.

Diamonds are nice, but much to expensive. Flowers are best when they are single blossoms on ordinary days. Don't propose on a major holiday- it's a cop out.

Really and truly- the best way to make a person feel loved is to treat them specially on an ordinary day without worrying about finding "the perfect romantic gift." Seriously- just rent a movie and picnic in your living room with Chinese take out and have a few laughs! Surprise a friend with a mixed cd just because you thought they'd like the tunes (not on valentines day). Clean the house for your mother when she's out running errands (and not when she asks you to).

Valentines day is great for reminding someone they matter, but maybe in a small and sincere way. Personally I've always hated the holiday and I think it just ratchets up everyone's stress levels.

Now I've got to stop ranting and procrastinating on my homework. I've got a lot due on Thursday and even more to do in preparation for other things in life- like Ren Fair Auditions!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Night of Homework

Quick update while I give my brain a break.

Fiddled around with the design settings, don't know if I like the new look. I was a bit tired of the red though.
So my applications are sent! YAY!!! *clappity clappity* One thing I can check off my list.

Got my psych paper done, and am working on my evil english paper. I might have my 10 required sources already (YES!), 5 biographies, 3 or 4 internet articles, and 2 of ACD's own books. I have to pick out which works I'd like to reference of ACD. Still, I know that I have some great references, I just need to read them all.

Tonight I will write a resume and select a headshot for my Ren Faire Auditions. I will choreograph most of my Ren Faire audition piece as well as Claire De Looney. I will consider this a well spent day. Maybe I'll indulge myself and watch an old film. I'm thinking Harvey Girls.
For my Ren Faire audition I'm going to do my version of The Firebird. Based on the ballet, based on the cartoon that Disney made for Fantasia 2000. If you have not seen it- look it up on youtube. I'm in love with that piece.

Today is one of those rare good days where I accomplish a lot and feel good about what I've accomplished.

Announcement- I will be adding character analysis to my posts. I know I've done book reviews, but I also really want to go into the characters of the books more than the plot. I've read some awful books that have brilliant characters.

So slight update, nothing really meaty that I have time (or inclination) to post about right now. Hopefully I'll have the time to post again soon!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Tip of the iceberg.

Oy vey. I need a vacation, or a personal assistant. Or maybe more sleep. Less homework? More dancing? Less inconvenient work hours? Btw- I'm working from 4-9 tonight. With one 15 minute break. Cue mental breakdown. 
To put things lightly- I'm stressed out, surviving on caffeine, herbal tea, hot coca, not getting enough restful sleep, and trying to juggle 20 things at any one given time. I'm overwhelmed. I'm trying to apply for colleges and need to send supplemental things into the two I am applying for. I'm trying to keep on top of my homework. I'm doing battle with my face on a daily basis and hate looking in the mirror. The list goes on. I can't even enjoy time that I take to be with friends because I have to do SO MUCH!  

College= lots of homework. Even though only 3 of my 5 classes actually have real home-work to do, it's plenty and I still haven't done half of my ASL homework for monday. It'll get done monday morning- per usual. 
My Psych and English papers will be started sometime tomorrow? And are due on the 16th. Now, if I was a sane college student who didn't have a job, didn't go to dance class, and didn't audition for ANYTHING- these papers would be done in two days (each). I'd pat myself on the back and turn them in early. 
ha.ha.ha. Who lives in that reality? I want to punch them. Seriously.  

Btw- this is going to be a longer post. Stop reading now if you don't have the time. 

Funny story from English 102- a guy in my english class started arguing with my professor. My professor- Ms. R-W is awesome. She's really knowledgeable in a lot of different areas and she's sarcastic and is just fantastic! So this kid starts arguing with her about how to write something (I think we were talking about summarizing). Finally she says "Tim, who do you think is smarter? You or me?" 
Tim has the lack of brain to say " Probably?" 
Next comment is why I love my teacher. She just gives him this look that totally says 'you're really stupid' and replies "Probably." First of all- Tim had no idea what he was arguing about. He seriously didn't know the meaning of the words he was using. Really funny for those of us listening and watching Ms. R-W. 
Also- my teacher underestimates my general knowledge base. I'm going to enjoy showing her that I probably know a little bit more than the average High School Graduate. There's a few students (actually about half the class) who didn't know what an aardvark is. My teacher didn't think I that I knew what Spiritualism is, or about Harry Houdini, or Darrow (monkey trials). Btw- these all have have to do with my research paper on Arthur Conan Doyle- the author of Sherlock Holmes. Doyle was much more like Watson. This is going to be a fun class (no sarcasm)! 
Apparently everyone thinks that they are above average. Considering half of my class (plus the fact that I knew of the rare and elusive aardvark), I think I'm at least at average. Or just very well read. 

Enough of school- onto work. 
My work has scheduled me for two weeks in advance. This means I cannot take off certain days that I was planning on asking for. I've never been scheduled for more than one week in advance at a time. This means no swing-dancing on the 11th. This means a very pissed off me. However, this also means I make a LOT of money in the next few weeks. 
However- my gratis from work is going to be amazing (I get a lot of goodies!), so I am slightly appeased. Only slightly. 

From work we go onto my personal life- This is a joke, you may laugh out loud. 

Are you done laughing? Good. 
Apart from getting talked to about being an independent human being from my dermatologist (not fun)....I know I still live at home and my parents do pay for the majority of my food, car gas, and school. However, I do manage a lot of my own life. I do not need anyone accusing my mom of hovering over me. She is not a hover-mother. 
And yes, I know my face is difficult and I'm sorry my life got busy and I forgot to take my pills. I do wash my face ever day like I'm supposed to. I am trying. Don't quote Yoda, I will punch you. 
Luckily I've found two monologues that work for my Ren Faire audition, two songs, and am working on my dance piece. Clair De Lune shall be put together as soon as possible. 
Dance is going great- as usual, ergo- nothing much to say about that this week.  

Welcome to the tip of the iceberg. 

Now that we have gone over the basics and practical side of my insane life right now. Expect a post sometime in the future about what actually going on inside my head. This has only been the external.