Monday, October 31, 2011

Writer's Block?

Or am I just too dang tired to write right now?
Maybe a combination of both!

I want to write, I really do, I really want to make progress on my story that never ends (or gets a full rough draft, my poor characters are going stir crazy)! Things just keep getting in the homework...or amusing internet sites...or procrastination.

Actually I've been pretty faithful about my writing habits except for this last week. Of course, it's taken me forever to figure out how I want to actually write my story, but once I figured that out it was off to the races!
Until the unevitable happened.

The dreaded Writer's Block.

I'm a girl trying to write a chapter about girl bonding. I'm a girl who isn't good at writing about girly stuff. Like flowers and boy talk and romance and clothes. I can write about greatly detailed costume changes, but not about two girls talking about clothes. Or recipes, or anything of that superficial sort that we girls bond over. Supposedly.
I don't think I've ever actually "bonded" that way. I talk about books and politics and movies and history. Yes I talk about clothes and boys and what clothes boys wear (guys look good in pirate shirts- just saying), but it's not the foremost thing that I've really bonded with my closest friends over.

So maybe I need to find another topic, a common experience or pain that my characters share. Proven fact, readers are gripped when your character goes through something painful.
Case and Point- The Hunger Games. Fantastic books. I loved each one of them. What's the main thing that happens throughout the plot? The main character Katniss Everdeen (K.E.- Like me! haha) goes through one painful (whether emotional or physical) trail after the other. She gets scared and scarred, she is tough and lasts through it. She has breakdowns and needs comforting. What else is so gripping than being knocked down but surviving despite the odds?
By the Way- I love the Hunger Games, those books are a great work of young adult fiction. I thought that because of the hype that it might be just another Twilight cult classic, but this book is a lot deeper than a klutz with a taste for cold dead guys. Although- when I need a good dose of fluff, to Twilight I turn! 

Maybe my characters are a little to comfortable right now. Maybe I need to dredge up an old pain. (insert evil manic laughter). Oh let's just see what happens shall we?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Family History

I always knew that my Great-Grandparents (parents of my grandmother) both came from Germany, met in America, got married, and then went back to Germany. There they saw what Hitler was doing and figured out he was bad new, they got on one of the last boats back to America before the ports were closed.
What I didn't know was that while they were back in Germany, my Great-Gandfather voiced his opinion about how he didn't like what Hitler was doing. A Hitler-Youth group decided to go beat up my great-grandparents, but fortunately they got wind of the plan and hid in a nearby forest. They decided that they couldn't stay, and got on one of the last boats out of the country.

I found this out today when my Nana took me out to Breakfast. I learned things about her that I never knew before. I know she was born in 1935, the middle of the Great Depression. After she graduated college, she went on a tour of Europe (10 countries!!!!) and visited with family in Germany. Her father had died only a couple weeks before she graduated, but her mother urged her to go on the tour and have fun. My Nana also went with my Aunt to New Zealand!
Needless to say- I learned a lot more about my Nana that I didn't know before. I love talking to her about what her life is like. I'm going to have to talk to her more often.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


Hi-Ho! It's off to work we go!

So work was really busy and I enjoyed myself. I love the ladies I work with. Really, they are so kind and it's such a good work environment. Blessing from God!
Apparently someone got a full time job and can only work weekends now, and gave no notice...oops. So that means I get more hours this week! Working a lot on Friday after-hours. 4-11pm. 

Shout out to my "sister" HumbleIndigo for finding me! While her name on these boards might be UnassumingAzure (Those are other meanings of the words Humble and Indigo for those of you who didn't catch that), I call her Freyy. Have done so for YEARS, and can't break the habit. Plus, Freyy is a lot easier to type out. Anyway- she's amazing and I love her so much! My big sister in so many ways.
Thank goodness I have Freyy to critique my writing, and the Doctor to be a sounding board/advisory on magic in my little make-believe world. What would I do if I didn't have nerdy amazing friends?

Anyway- I have to go finish the "rough draft" of my Source Evaluation Paper. Backwards it spells- Pure Evil Source-of-headache. :P

Monday, October 24, 2011

Crazy Time!

Maybe I shouldn't have called into work saying I could take a shift tomorrow night....
First of all, I'm working tomorrow from 10-1pm. Then I go home, do homework, eat lunch and pack a "Dinner." and then go BACK to work from 5-8:30.
Then I get to rush my butt over to dance class and pretend to be co-ordinated for a while.
By Friday I have a "evualuation of sources" paper due...I can't write much of it on Wednesday, because I'm taking dance and am gone from 3pm-10pm at night. I could stay up really late Wednesday and work all day Thursday. Can't do it thursady night because I want to go to a friend in a show, and I can't see it any other night except Thursday. Why? I'm working Friday, at a theater all day Saturday, then on Sunday I have to work again from 4:45-MIDNIGHT!!!
I really should have called in an said that I couldn't do the shift. Instead I'm thinking about how much I need the money so I can pay for another dance class, and pay for a girl's weekend trip, and pay for a dance I want to go to, and pay for the dress I'll need to buy, and pay for my coffee habits.
Arg, I think I've gotta skip dance tomorrow night and work on my stupid assignment.

I hate having to skip dance class!!!! Fastest way to tick me off. Oh well, it's my own fault. The need of funds vs the passion of dance. Need of funds won out this time (or maybe, the need for a good grade).

To be continued...

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Black Swans, Strong Queens, and Bus Rides

So...I'm kind of using the BNRC for movies and music too. Movie Nook Review Corner just sounds weird. So The BookNookReviewCorner is branching out!

Movie- Black Swan
Major actors- Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis, Vincent Cassel
Rated- R
My rating? One pen  \, \, \, \, \,

As a dancer, I was really looking forward to fantastic cinematic dance sequences and a really good physiological thriller.
The dance sequences were very disappointing. I know that the stars in the movie haven't had year of training that you need to make the dances look good, but these dance scenes were just disappointing. The camera was swirling around the actors whenever they danced so you felt like you were on a merry-go-round and couldn't actually see the dancing.
The "Thriller" part of the movie was weak too. The characters felt really phony and shallow and the motives didn't feel well portrayed. Plus, you never really could tell what was going on with Mila Kunis' character...
My two BIGGEST beefs were actually the lack of good time lapses. I couldn't tell that a couple weeks had gone by between the time Nina had been chosen for the swan, and the night of performance. It felt like a few days. That's not logical.
Also- SO MANY ballet stereotypes!!! Over the top stereotypes! Most ballerinas don't wear their hair in a bun all the time! Usually they just put it up for class. Nor do dancers start stripping off all of their warm ups when the director walks in the room at the beginning of class (found this out by reading a couple dance blogs).
Overall- cool make-up and costumes. That's about it.

On the other hand- I have a great book review!

A Reluctant Queen: the love story of Esther by Joan Wolf.
Rating- Four Pens! \,\,\,\,\,

Loved this book! Esther is one of my favorite of the women of the Bible. I love her story and always go back to reading her story.
This book really brought to the life the time that Esther lived in. She was much more real than I expected when I started the book. Also, the king was really well written. I would most definitely recommend this to anyone. I'm not a huge chick-flick romance person, but this is not a chick-flick romance. The book doesn't just focus on Esther, but also on the king (who's name I can't pronounce) and the politics of the day. Personally, I found that really interesting. The author made her characters have motives and emotions that made them into interesting people. I even understood why Haman acted the way he did. The author made him a person, not just a mustache twirling villain. Esther got angry with Mordecai, which I had never considered before.
I wish there had been a little more to the book. Things seemed to move pretty quickly, but I enjoyed it and it was a fantastic retelling of the story of Esther in 375 pages.

On a completely unrelated note- I took the bus by myself in pouring rain yesterday! My jeans got totally SOAKED on the way back to the train from the Huge Studio! I was freezing, but I love going to dance on Wednesday. I wish I had more time (and money) to dance. I would love to add on a bar class and some tap. Right now I'm taking Pilates to help a hip injury that's been plaguing me for a while, and it's KILLER. I love it! It helps so much! Hopefully I can start taking ballet again soon. Can't take both because they are at the same time. Praying that I find a Pilates studio closer to home. 
That's about all that I can think of. I hope I'm doing a good job of keeping this blog up.

_Until next post_

Monday, October 17, 2011

B.N.R.C. aka the BookNookReviewCorner

The first Book Review!!!

Ok, so not exactly a SUPER AMAZING AWESOME book to start off the BookNookReviewCorner (For all you nutty vocabulary people yes I DID just use two words to describe where two walls meet each other), but it was a decent bit of fluff with actually some substance. So not cotton candy, but not a good steak dinner either.
btw- Lord of the Rings is a steak dinner, like a major steak dinner with a load of mashed potatoes (boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew!) and a heaping of greens with a volcano of gravy....
Dang it. Now I want to post about food.

Anyway back to the book!

Ophelia by Lisa Klein. 
I'd give this book Three Pens out of Five! \,\,\,\,\, (yes those are supposed to be pens, use your imagination!)

Yes boys, you won't want to read this, it qualifies as a chick book.
The story of Ophelia, Hamlet's girlfriend. In Shakespeare's tragic play Hamlet, Ophelia dies of madness by drowning herself. I actually quite like the whole insane-pathetic-but-slightly-prophetic-with-flower-symbolism deal she has going on in the play. This brought a whole new side of determination and velvet covered iron to her that I had never seen before. No this is not a feminist book. Ophelia just has a lot more...well...character.
Did I mention that Hamlet and Ophelia get married in this book? Oh yeah, that puts a whole new spin on things.
Ophelia is clever, skilled with herbs and healing, knows a lot of romance, but has no practical experience (For some of the book. I mean, well, she DOES get married).  She's got a lot more strength in her than she thinks and ends up kinda the way I predicted. I won't spoil the ending, although it's very chick flick.
Was the book a little slow at points? Maybe once or twice. Was it a leisurely read? Yes it was. Did I enjoy it? Well, it was a LOT better than Twilight, but I don't think it will make my bookshelf- but I might check it out from the Library once or twice more to re-read certain parts.
The book was well written and DIDN'T use modern day language.

Coming up in the BookNookReviewCorner- The Theatre Illuminata Trilogy part 1- Eyes like Stars
"I always walked the ragged edge." Or, in which you meet ME in book form.
I promise you intense hair color, dashing pirates, starving fairies, and a very persuasive air spirit!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Dear Christian

Dear Christian,

I miss you. I know you're up in Heaven and doing amazing things. Still, down here, I miss you a lot. Last week my friend said your name really excitedly at church- and I turned around looking for you before I realized you weren't going to be there. My heart cracked again once I realized she wasn't talking about you.
I remember waking up the morning they found you dead. I remember trying desperately to get a hold of someone, anyone, who could tell me what was going on. I remember accusing someone of joking even though I knew what they said was true.
I know it was your time to go home. You had helped so many people and were a blessing everywhere. Did I feel that way about you all the time? No, of course not. Sometimes I did get annoyed at you. Still, you were always supportive of whatever I told you about my life or dreams.
We were super good friends during Jr. High. All of us were crazy back then. We're still crazy- just not as out there about it. I remember you taking pictures of me for you school project and people asked if I was your girlfriend. I laughed really hard because I didn't really even think about dating back then.
Here's to pausing and remembering how you changed the life of anyone who ever knew you. I miss you terribly. I know you're doing great things and I'll see you one day again. Right now though, that day seems so far away. You'll always be in my heart. I will always be influenced by your example.

Monday, October 10, 2011

While sleep eludes me and my mood plumets.

For some reason my body has decided that I don't need sleep.
Excuse me while I go have a talk with myself about how I DO NOT FUNCTION WELL WITHOUT SLEEP!!! Or coffee, but that's another story.

Let's see, four hours tops last night, four hours previous the night before, and one night of goodness know how many hours (not more than 5) the night before that.
Did I mention I've been going non-stop for the past week? Yeah, there's a reason I drink coffee in the mornings. I'm just not coherent otherwise. I do not like the dependency, but the alternative is to be seriously irritable, brain dead, and emotionally unstable.
Coffee is my emotional pacifier. Seriously, I know this to be true. When my grandfather died, I drank coffee and was able to cope through that whole week without seriously losing it. When my friend Christian died at age 17, I got coffee and I was able to at least get a grip. When college started and I was petrified, lonely, and down in the dumps- you guessed it- coffee made sure I didn't have a mental breakdown.

I am noticing a pattern here. Let's see, I lose my grandfather and a friend within a year of each other, have serious upheaval in my life (aka "college"), and have not had a serious overwhelming breakdown. Is this good or bad? Am I just surviving, or thriving?

If you guessed surviving- you get the satisfaction of knowing that you are CORRECT!
I have got to get some sleep and stop being sarcastic. Or just drink a truckload of coffee.

In everything- praise God, even when you feel like you might snap at any second.
Thank you God that I have enough food that I can pick and choose which unhealthy overly sugared candy bar I will eat during ASL break.
Thank you for friends who laugh at my tiredness and cut me slack for being so horrible right now.
Thank you for Dance
Thank you for giving me COFFEE!!!
Thank you for granting me grace
And strength
And patience
And understanding
Thanks for being my anchor.
Thank you for never giving up on me.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Tired but happy.

This week has been one of many ups and downs, but the ups made up for all the downs!
And I am extremely tired. Let's hope this post isn't rubbish.

This past Wednesday I went to the "Huge Studio" as I will nickname it for the internet. Best night of my life! I'm only in the Beg/Intermediate level, but I was challenged and learned so much, just in two classes! Each class is an hour and half and I had two of them back to back. Three hours in the most freeing experience I've had! Really, dancing makes me let go of everything else. I was nervous on my way to the studio and before class, but once classes started, I felt completely at peace. Everything just seemed to come naturally- or as naturally as it can when you're trying to keep up with a very good dance class/instructor. Everyone in my class was at least a couple years older than I was, or very near my age. One of the women had to be in her 60s, but she was keeping up just fine!
For the first time in my life- I didn't feel like I had to live up to anyone's expectations, compete with younger dancers to be as good as them because I was older, or feel like I was doing badly because I can't lift my legs as high as some of the others. I recently read a quote from a dancer that said something like "You're not there for anyone but yourself." I've been trying to apply that to my own life in dance class. I'm in class to better myself and further myself along in my dance path. If I can help someone else along the way- that'd be great, but I'm not in class to compare myself to anyone. I'm not there to prove that I belong there, because I know I belong there.
I can't really describe it in any other way that would make sense. I came home Wednesday night and the only way I could describe it was "amazing- just amazing!" It was like God was whispering in my ear "This is where you belong." I was almost in tears because I was so happy and in awe of how God has been working in my life.
On Friday I tried out the dance company at my community college. They have a nice poms team group there, but it is not the type of dance that I am looking for. Cheeleading and Pom Squad are great for some people, but those styles have never been "my thing." Also, the conversation I heard prior to "class" wasn't the most encouraging. To seal the deal, throughout the time I spent visiting the class I could tell that that wasn't the place God wanted me to be, so I left early because I had a lot to do on Friday. That's fine though! I'm going to be dancing at least 7-8 hours a week soon. To me, it doesn't seem enough. Now when I dance, I don't want to stop. I just want to push and push and keep going and going and going. I suppose I need to remember what will happen if I push too hard. I don't want to hurt myself, but I want to be dancing as much as I can.
Something else I am excited about- I have an internship for Project Dance! I've been wanting to intern for the program that helped me to this path and have a chance to give back. Now I've got that chance and can't wait for PD to start!
God has definitely been blessing me abundantly this week. Even in my few troubles this week (mostly with an annoying school assignment and very little sleep this week- I'm so exhausted) it hasn't been as hard as some of the previous weeks. Like I said a little while back- I can cope with everything SO much better when I am dancing.

"I will believe that what God has placed inside me is superior to the mountains that stand in my way."

No clue who said that quote. It's from a book I got for graduation called "Dance while you can." It's filled with quotes (though no references as to who said them).

Until something else I need to post about happens!