Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Bumpy Road

So I've been telling myself "I need to post." Then life would happen.
The next day I'd tell myself "I need to post." Then life would happen.
Then the next day I'd tell myself "I need to post." Then life would happen.

Needless to say- there's been a LOT of life going on. Some good, but lately I've been hit with a lot of conflicting stuff.

First point of Life- My old youth theater program split ways with the main company and now, while still holding the same values (essentially), it's a mess. No one knows what's going on and there is a ton of uncertainty. I'm slightly glad that I've graduated from this program and only teach there now and then.
Many good things happened in this theater group, and many challenging things. So there's a lot that I'm just waiting to "see what happens" on the subject. To be honest I'm tired of seeing all of the notifications on Facebook about this. I know it's important, but I feel like there's just too much confusion right now. Everyone needs to simmer down for a while.

Second point- I will not be working for two weeks. This week, and next week I am not scheduled for any hours. This is very worrisome. I'm supposed to be able to pay for gas to get to and from the RenFaire(See point 3). I was also hoping to accumulate some savings, and start paying for most of my expenses. Guess what's not happening?
This is probably the worst thing I am dealing with right now. I actually had to go into work and check the schedule. I started crying once I got back to the car.
I know the company has cut back on hours, but not getting any hours when I know my coworkers are getting 12-20 hours a week stinks. The only redeemable part of this is that my parents have agreed to let me do extra chores and stuff around the house to pay off my gas money. If my work hours keep up like this I'm going to need to find a new job.
I'm really praying hard about this. I don't know what to do. I know God's in charge and that he's going to take care of me, but I don't know what I am supposed to be doing right now. That annoys the heck out of me.

Third point- I'm starting RenFaire training and I'm scared stiff. I have no idea what I've got myself into. I'm gradually getting more and more terrified. Everything about the process has felt completely paralyzing, but at the same time, it feels like home. How warped is that?

Fourth point- I don't know if I'm going to be able to dance this summer at all. I don't know if I can take time out of my work schedule to dance. This makes me want to punch a wall.

The stupid thing is that I work so that I can have money to dance and participate in RenFaire. If I don't work- what gets eliminated? The dancing, RenFaire, or the work?

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