Monday, October 10, 2011

While sleep eludes me and my mood plumets.

For some reason my body has decided that I don't need sleep.
Excuse me while I go have a talk with myself about how I DO NOT FUNCTION WELL WITHOUT SLEEP!!! Or coffee, but that's another story.

Let's see, four hours tops last night, four hours previous the night before, and one night of goodness know how many hours (not more than 5) the night before that.
Did I mention I've been going non-stop for the past week? Yeah, there's a reason I drink coffee in the mornings. I'm just not coherent otherwise. I do not like the dependency, but the alternative is to be seriously irritable, brain dead, and emotionally unstable.
Coffee is my emotional pacifier. Seriously, I know this to be true. When my grandfather died, I drank coffee and was able to cope through that whole week without seriously losing it. When my friend Christian died at age 17, I got coffee and I was able to at least get a grip. When college started and I was petrified, lonely, and down in the dumps- you guessed it- coffee made sure I didn't have a mental breakdown.

I am noticing a pattern here. Let's see, I lose my grandfather and a friend within a year of each other, have serious upheaval in my life (aka "college"), and have not had a serious overwhelming breakdown. Is this good or bad? Am I just surviving, or thriving?

If you guessed surviving- you get the satisfaction of knowing that you are CORRECT!
I have got to get some sleep and stop being sarcastic. Or just drink a truckload of coffee.

In everything- praise God, even when you feel like you might snap at any second.
Thank you God that I have enough food that I can pick and choose which unhealthy overly sugared candy bar I will eat during ASL break.
Thank you for friends who laugh at my tiredness and cut me slack for being so horrible right now.
Thank you for Dance
Thank you for giving me COFFEE!!!
Thank you for granting me grace
And strength
And patience
And understanding
Thanks for being my anchor.
Thank you for never giving up on me.

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