Funny how in hindsight you can see a theme underlining what is going on in your life.
It seems as if, when I asked God to give me strength and perseverance because I've been having a slightly rough time of things lately, I didn't fully realize the implications of what I was asking.
Example, when I asked God to help me live out my faith and take the next step from being a player on the bench to actually going into the game, He sent situations to me where I had to choose between some things that I really want, but won't do because of what I believe. I've been asking Him to mold me into the person He wants me to be, and He's been showing up in remarkable ways to get me to lean on Him and not rely on myself. I think there was a request about learning to trust in God too.
So to cope with some of these rather painful decisions, I asked God to give me strength and perseverance. See example above as what happened when I asked God for something last time. Didn't I learn the first time? Oy, when it rains it pours!
Lately I've been coping with not as much grace as I should have right now. Anger is too easy an emotion to choose when your feelings are strong and you are hurting and frustrated and confused about life. Unfortunately, it seems that I was starting to choose that emotion as my outlet instead of working through whatever is presented before me to work through.
Something else I realized is that while the things in life that I am going through right now may be trivial and small compared to many of my other friends, this is the first time I am dealing with some more grown up problems and situations. While I keep in mind that my friends have worries much more heavy than mine, I'm still learning my "young" lessons that will make me capable of learning bigger lessons.
I've already made a few minor mistakes during my lessons this fall, luckily only my pride has been bruised and nothing lasting has come of them. I'm switching perspectives and tactics on a few matters, and learning to juggle a much fuller life than I have been used to.
So please, my friends, have patience with me when I'm struggling with a concept of reality. Hold me accountable and help me to learn. Give me hugs, seriously. I don't ask for hugs, or any sort of physical affection, much. Sometimes I need a hug and I just don't ask for one.
To me, life is a series of lessons that we learn in one way or another. We don't all learn the same lessons, but we all have shared experiences that help us relate when another person is learning something much like what we had to learn at a previous time. If you've already learned some of the lessons that I'm learning right now and have some advice, I'd be happy to listen.
I know that once I learn these lessons, I'll be much farther along that I was before. Even with the small difficulties (because in one year's time I'll look back and laugh at some of this), this fall has been ridden with happy times with new friends and old friends. I'm hoping to mesh a few of the new and old friend groups because I think everyone would be crazy enough to actually get along.
Now to try and figure out how that will work! Onto plotting!